There is Nothing Wrong With Us

In this episode of "The Love Your Vibe Show", hosts Elvira V. Hopper and Eleanor Hayward speak with Author and Podcast host Christy Holt about the importance of having a non-judgmental support network to help us maintain balance and well-being. 

Christy talks about her own personal experience with marriage and relationships on a journey to self-acceptance and self-care. She explains that we should not be looking for another person to make us whole.

 Learn more about Christy Holt: https://coachchristyholt.com/ 

Learn more about:
Elvira V. Hopper, Miracle Mindset CoacHealer
Eleanor Hayward, Holistic Facilitator

Transcript

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Hello everyone and welcome to The Love Your Vibe Show. It is A Revolution of Evolution.

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We are Elvira Hopper and Eleanor Hayward! We're happy to be on Skyward TV and Hopeful Radio

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on several platforms because we are so aligned with their mission to help people on the planet

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today get to mental wellness through the spiritual path. We believe that we are purveyors of a unique

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and personal development SOULution for heart-centered humans and we believe that all modalities matter.

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So whatever helps you to live in Alignment; Authentic, Fully Self-Expressed so that you can

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be a Miracle Magnet in life is what you should do more often. And today we are thrilled to bring on

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one of our beautiful members of our team. Our guest today is a powerful member, her name is

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Christy Holt. She is the Happiness Hussy. Hello Christy. She's also a podcaster. She's an author.

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She's presently writing another book on relationships and she is the mom of four teenage

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boys and you will learn more about her as she speaks. So let's talk about your Story, your Message

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and your Magic, Christy because the world truly needs it today more than ever. Thank you for being

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here. Yeah thank you so much for having me. I'm ready and excited to dive into this conversation.

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So exciting. So where we usually like to start is asking you a little bit about what brought you to

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where you are. What is your story about? What is your Why? People don't want to know what you do

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but why you do it, Christy. So can you dive in and tell us a bit more about that? Yeah well

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as you both know, because I know you both a little bit, I'm gonna share a little bit about my past

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relationship because that is one of the most pivotal pieces of my story. Of course there's

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multiple pieces. I used to be a professional accountant and if you finish listening to this

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interview you might be like what? Crazy! And I so I've had a number of different experiences

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that created turning points throughout my life but the most significant one I think was when I

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was in my marriage, and this was about five to seven years ago. It wasn't working. I was trying to make

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it work but I wasn't happy and as a result of that, I don't know if anybody else can relate to this

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I did a lot of complaining and blaming and waiting for my partner to change, and it wasn't working.

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Right? It just continued being kind of crappy and so you know as a mom I really wanted to do what was

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best for my kids, and so I thought keeping the family together was the best possible outcome

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until it wasn't. Until I realized and I had this moment sort of part and parcel with this idea

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that my kids actually needed for me to choose me, and to show them by way of my actions and not just

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my words, how to Create Your Happy, which incidentally is the name of my podcast it's called Create Your

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Happy and so I had this sort of realization they actually need me to go first they need me to show

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them because we all know these kids they don't really listen that well you know we got to show

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them with our actions and be the actual role model part and parcel with this I have this epiphany

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moment, and you know channeling a little Taylor Swift here, “hi I'm the problem, it's me” and I realized

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I'm the common denominator in every last one of my problems. Uh!! I don't want to hear that right?

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Oh my gosh it's me, dang! And then at the same time I realized I'm also the one who has the

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has the ability to change things. So, I didn't stay stuck in that for too long. I realized, you know

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what, I'm the common denominator in the problems, and the solutions! So I started taking steps

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to, you know, well… I had already been on a fairly long personal growth journey, I'm kind of... I love

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reading I love reading about neuroscience and quantum physics and people, psychology like all

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of the stuff. I just find humans incredibly fascinating, but I really dove in even more,

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started to work on myself. I started some things like you know bringing compassion and self-love

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into the picture, and it really shifted the way I felt about myself and my own confidence. And so

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eventually what I realized after doing this self-discovery and really finding out because I

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kind of got lost a little bit and who I was in becoming a mom and a wife and I kind of was

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I call it ‘just a momitis’ and so I realized I needed to kind of figure out again who I was and it

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wasn't about going back to who I was before all of that, because that's not really possible so it

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was about figuring out who am I going to be now, here, and moving forward and so I started doing

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you know self-discovery and learning about who I was and as a result, I realized that my marriage

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really wasn't working. And it just really it wasn't in alignment the hard truth at that time was it

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was probably never in alignment and I was really just kind of trying to make it work and uh hello

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recovering people-pleaser! That played a lot into codependent patterns etc etc. Anyways long story

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short from there is, I left the marriage which for me was the best possible decision, and there have

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absolutely been challenges as far as co-parenting and all of these kinds of things, but I would never

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go back and change any of that history, because it all brought me to this moment right here right now

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and it taught me all of the things that I need to know to share with people which is what my mission

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is. So that I can help women who are feeling unhappy feeling like there's something missing

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Feeling, like they're just a mom, or just a wife, or that they just aren't sure what they're supposed

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to be doing and to really help them to make those small shifts. Because honestly, it's not

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a whole life transformation that's required up front, it's a series of small shifts along the way.

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Right? Oh wow! That is so good! So yes, let's give some snaps and you know where this comes from

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Right? It's like the Poetry Slams right? Yes yeah yeah, I didn't realize

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that till just recently we always snap our fingers, right when we agree with something, and it goes

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back to the poetry slams back in the 60’s right where all the cool dudes would listen and give

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snaps right anyway! And jazz hands! Yeah yeah yeah, so yeah! So that's amazing Christy, you are

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definitely an example of what's possible, you know, for women that have been, you know, or presently

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are, anyone that's listening right now that's presently in a marriage that is not fulfilling,

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and you like you said you know we probably were never aligned, right? But you probably chose

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your husband, I’m gonna guess because maybe it was just the right time to get married, and he seemed

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like a nice guy? Like, tell us why you chose him to begin with, just curious? I gotta say honestly

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I feel… like I was actually married once prior to this, and I was now approaching my late 20’s, and I

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definitely felt the clock ticking. And we had you know enough background in common and a couple of

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shared interests. Yeah, that's not enough I can say that now, because I now have the most incredible

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amazing relationship with (oh yeah) the most amazing man, and like the contrast is just night and day!

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But you don't know what you don't know, so here I went into that thinking that was going to be

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enough. I definitely can say looking back I had some self-worth issues. I was looking to other

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people to fulfill me, to fill the void, to fill what I thought was missing and broken about me

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and I didn't realize which I do now -- I’m already whole! I didn't need anyone to fill in any missing

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gaps. I didn't need fixing, because I wasn't broken! And I actually view healing as a general term

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as like a recognition of your wholeness, because to me it we were never not whole so we don't need to

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to heal because there's something wrong with us, healing is just recognizing that there is really

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nothing wrong with us. That's beautiful! What a nice way to say it eh? Yeah, I love that reflection!

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Yeah yeah. Thank you! And ‘just a momitis’, I think a lot of women can relate to that! I'm not a Mom

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but I, as a you know, like as a Holistic Practitioner I have a lot of clients who

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are moms, and my sister's a mom and it just seems to be all-consuming for women and this

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Culture, like we're kind of divided into these nuclear families, and everybody's little silo and

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it's, we're meant to be holistic right? We're meant to be a matriarchy, I believe

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naturally speaking, that everybody helps raise each other's kids. Yeah we're missing that community!

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with that yeah! Yeah yeah. And so yeah. No no, that used to be the way in Indigenous culture right?

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And it probably still is right, like they live on reservations, and and um well some of them do ,and

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and there's more of a matriarchal rather than patriarchal um mindset right? In history anyway.

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Yeah. Because I think everybody's been colonized, so we're coming back to that more deliberately, and

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anyway. But yeah, tell us tell us more about ‘just a momitis’ and how that? I mean ultimately, I was

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just so wrapped up in taking care of my kids, and really to be honest martyring myself for my kids

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to provide whatever they needed, to put them first and everything. And I think that's a flaw in in the

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the way that we perceive being a mother because we can't actually pour from an empty cup, and i know

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this is an overused analogy but if you're lacking and you're burnt out and exhausted and and just

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not literally firing on all cylinders, you're not at your best and when you're not at your best you're

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not giving as much as you as you could be and it's not necessarily about just getting better so you

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can give more, but it's because when you build up that abundance it overflows and then the giving

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is actually very natural and easy. And I wanted to just reflect something with back to the

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parenting thing, I think it would actually be really brilliant, now I’m not signing up for this, so if my

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kids hear this ever, just no i'm not signing up for this, but they have often had the older generations

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raising the children because they have their ‘poop in a group’ right? As young adults in our 20’s and 30’s

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we're still figuring out who we are a lot of the times right? And so we don't have the parenting

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skills that we might have if we were a little bit more mature and wise from personal experience.

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That's just my take. Yeah! Did you just say ‘poop in a group’? Yeah yeah like shit in a row, ducks in a row I have a lot of sayings.

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Honestly I’ve never heard that before. Yeah, no I totally hear that and there are you know,

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like I have a few Indigenous friends they talk about the aunties and the grandmothers and you

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know, so this is why I believe that, you know we're all we're meant to work together you know? And no

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man, no woman is an island and we need each other you know? We need that community and kids are

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better off when they're when they're loved by multiple people, and cared for by multiple people.

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At least that's been my experience and I’m so blessed; my own son had the benefit of being

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raised by grandparents you know up into a certain age. Yeah this is so cool so you know, I’m just being

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called to ask you Christy with respect to um your boys, like how do you see them

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when you were with their dad versus who they are now? Like have

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you noticed the difference with them? I have to be honest that they're at a very different stage in

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Life, now they're teenagers now, and they were younger then, so it's hard to really say exactly

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what differences really relate because they're just a whole different level of immaturity maybe?

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I don't know they're 13 to 16; it's a lot of hormones, and um. 13-16 wow! Yeah god bless you

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well just the fact that that she can do like all this inner work and take care of herself, and love

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her vibe, using my language, um you know where you go to these incredible trips with your

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beautiful partner and you know my god we just get to watch it on social media and like i'm like

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“go Christy,” you know like you have these gorgeous trips out in the in the in the wild and the

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fact that you're able to be such an example for them, and an example for all of us

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so even a mama with four boys, like young you know young boys 13 to 16, you can still live your best

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life right? Like is that not inspiring? Absolutely! Yeah and you should be living your best life,

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because life is too short for anything less. Like we have been taught to settle for far too long,

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and this isn't just women although it may be more pervasive to women, and if we look back at some of

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the history yeah in in not that far past times we needed men. We needed them for our mere survival

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and so you know, we have this tendency to feel like we need a man or, or we'll buck the system

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and say ‘I don't need no man’ uh but you're absolutely right, we aren't meant to do life alone.

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This doesn't mean that you have to have a spouse or anything it just means that you need

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to have people around you a good, safe, accepting, loving, non-judgmental community. Yes. And that to

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me that's what Love Your Vibe is about, is about coming together in this non-judgmental

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safe space to explore who you really are, who, what those parts of you that you might have tucked away

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because someone told you it wasn't good, or you know they didn't like that about you, and so maybe

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there's some parts that you tucked away! They're probably superpowers in disguise which is probably

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why someone was bothered by it in the first place. Right? You know yeah, we can we can start to

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bring out some of those parts and I think they fester when we're trying to hide things

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things kind of grow and fester into the surface and if we are provided a good safe space to explore

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to sort of bring those things to the surface and really take a good look at what's going on. We can

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really set ourselves free! So I am all for like the safe space to be really, you know as you

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would say, fully expressed, because if we're not then we're probably still trying to be someone else.

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Hmm it's true right? And ‘full self-expression can battle depression’ I’ve heard it said, and yeah and

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and even and Dr. Gabor Mate, one of my favorite messages of his is, and using my language

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is that ‘the antidote to trauma is authenticity’. Right? Being Fully Self-Expressed as you truly are.

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And so these are little hotbeds of, and incubators of, you know, Feeling and Healing and Revealing who

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you truly are, right? Now is it not cool to be a part of that? Haha! It's so great, like I you know having gone

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through my own transformational experience over, over, honestly it's still evolving, the journey is

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never over, there's no end destination, you know it's an ongoing uh adventure through life, and

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you know to watch and witness other people having those ‘Ah-ha moments’ and those breakthroughs and

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going from their pain and their suffering, to freedom and peace like there's nothing like it!

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Oh it's so juicy right? Oh my god I live for that! I live for transformation! It's just like, and yeah you get

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to witness it at, you're an apprentice and you're witnessing that! Our lovely Eleanor is

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the leader that's, you know, guiding you through all the teachings and tools, and you know trying them

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On, and seeing how they feel and revealing, you know, how you really feel and not being judged

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and you know, it's just such a beautiful you know space for ‘healing and growth to greatness’

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as we like to say and uh yeah. I love that you are going to be one of our certified mentors

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real soon! You're almost finished the apprentice program! Yay! Um so yeah, so I want to learn more

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about your next book so tell us a little bit about your next book? Oh I’m really excited about

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this next project and I don't have an estimated completion date, but I’m going to loosely say 2024

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um I don't know yet, but it's about relationships. And not just romantic relationships but really

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all relationships, and okay tiny spoiler alert for all of you listening here, the relationship

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with yourself is foundational to all other relationships! So woven into this topic you're

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going to see a lot about getting you know a better relationship going with yourself. Creating space for

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self-care, true self-care. I’m not talking like just bubble baths and pedicures I mean really truly

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nurturing your heart and soul. Yeah. And your and your meat suit too while we're at it right,

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all of that but uh, and your mind you know the whole like I’ll say the whole-ass human, right?

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Hopefully I can say that on here. Everything's acceptable here. Okay.

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They might bleep you out but I don't know, I think it's up to the producers, but anyway.

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Yeah well I won't make a stream of beeping out or anything. Okay! Yeah, yeah really just like embracing

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your whole your whole human because that's how you're going to best be able to thrive in the

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World, and you're meant to thrive! You're not meant to suffer or struggle or be in pain all the time

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yet society has normalized that, and so oftentimes we just take it and accept that this just life is

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just hard. Right? Relationships are hard things are hard. And so guess what? They feel more difficult.

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Right? Because you continue to tell yourself it feels difficult so anyways back to the book

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it is really about you know this foundational relationship with yourself and then there is

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going to be of course we're going to talk about communication, we're going to talk about boundaries

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we're going to talk about attachment, I’m no attachment expert by any means, but just an

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overview so that we can understand some of the dynamics that often happen in in difficult

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relationships which this is aimed to help people, you know, not necessarily fix their relationship

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because some of them are not, that's not the right solution, that's not the right path. Like my case

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that was not, there was there was no fixing what was never working in the first place.

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But what I can guarantee is that if you follow these steps you are going to find love that love

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that actually comes from within you, and if you can build that up, guess what it will overflow

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and you will receive it back from all kinds of places. So that's a little spoiler alert

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but a little bit of what you can expect in there. Oh my god I can't wait to read it yeah I almost

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feel like you're going to become a love magnet right? Because you love yourself and then that's

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what you attract. So it's definitely something that, um yeah, I’m excited to read, how about you? 

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As a single gal I am all about that! I look forward to reading too. Yeah, talk about raising your vibe though

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right whether you mean it from like an energetic standpoint, but also just knowing what you want

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allows you so much more clarity and when you know what you want it's very clear when you're

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experiencing something that's not it! Yeah. Right? So instead of settling for something less you're not

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going to settle, you're going to hold out and you're going to find something that's much more

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appropriate and suited for you. Which that's what you deserve right? Amazing, healthy, deep 

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connection; that is what we were meant for. I love it! You're so articulate! Yeah, I love it. And you touched 

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on it, but it's like I feel like that's our culture, is that you're we're so conditioned to look for

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your other half, that's just the romantic notion, and it's like you need to find somebody to make

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you whole, and it's like yeah… no. Actually because if you're coming in two halves, then we're making,

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then that's where the codependency breeds (yeah absolutely) and then we're looking for somebody else 

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to fill us up and it's just yeah. It gets messy. But two whole people uh, magic! Actually posted yesterday

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something that I say frequently and probably could shouldn't could say more often stop looking

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for someone to complete you because that's like Hollywood bullshit; you're already whole! Oh sorry

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sorry again, um beep, whatever. Um you know that's not real, that's an illusion, that you can

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find someone to complete you because you're already whole! Now what you actually want to find is 

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someone who completely accepts you. So, stop looking for someone to complete you start looking for 

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people who completely accept you. Complete game changer! With all your quirks and weirdness! Yes because 

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you know what? If you can't show that… and it oh it drives me bonkers when I see people trying to be 

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like, oh like, I’m just gonna… should I do this on my first date? You should be you on your first date! 

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Period. Because why are you wasting time trying to be someone else? I’ll tell you what I did, that I

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tried that one on myself.  I got into a marriage after pretending and honestly thought I felt like

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I had to like suck in my gut, and just keep my voice the same, for way too long right, because

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once you get in, you're wearing the masks you're keeping up this façade, it's really hard to break

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out of that. Because then you get into this fearful place of like, ‘oh they might not accept me’ and

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especially if the dynamic is not good in the first place, it's almost like certainty this would never

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fly. This wouldn't be okay. I can't actually be myself. And I know people do this all the time

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it's so tempting, because we feel this deep need to partner with someone. Again, like I said

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especially for women, because you know until not that long ago, we couldn't even get money on our

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own, so you know it's in our cells, right? It's in our DNA, and we're still working past that, but

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women are rising. We now have all the, you know we have, not everywhere in the world, so you know

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please universe, if we can catch up the parts of the world we're lagging behind us, uh, that women

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have equality. Yeah. And so you know, let's move forward. Let's rise together. Let's bring our

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fellow sisters with, us and our brothers too of course, but. Oh, that's so beautiful. Yes, the sacred 

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masculine is vital. Oh yes, that's true. Yeah it's got to be a dance right? Yeah it's got to be a 

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dance of the sacred masculine, divine masculine and divine feminine, that to me will be Heaven on Earth 

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and that's the world that I want to help co-create, with you guys and another team at another level,

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it's possible, it's here right now, we just have to tap into that reality that it is here.

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So, oh my gosh Christy, you are such a gem I am so, so happy that that we've had this 

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conversation. Anything before we close down? Yes, I want to thank you for your vision of The Love Your

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Vibe Foundation, like I see where you're going with this Heaven on Earth and being a Miracle Mindset

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Magnet. Like I remember when we were just starting, and I’m like, as if I could ever tell everybody

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I’m a Miracle Magnet, never mind how to Mentor you to do it. But it's but it's something that grows

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and as we face our shadow, and we heal these layers, it's just something that grows! And

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like you said Christy, like I loved how you put it, that healing is accepting everything that we are

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so that we can become whole, and to realize we're whole, to realize that we're already whole!

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Yeah there you go, yeah! Words! Words are so tricky, and that's interesting thing about the English

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language is sometimes like woop, hold on a minute, we need to get in the habit of doing this

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Right? Hold on that's not exactly… not become whole, woop.

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Yeah yeah exactly! Return to our authentic self right? I mean we're co-creating a series of 11

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global retreat centers that are serving the one percent because they especially need to be doing

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this work consistently because they're the leaders of our world right? And if they get it everyone

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else will get it and will resolve global issues with their support, and they need to realize that…

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um sorry there was something I was going to say there about the people at this level and

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this is my 61 year old mind that just lost it anyway. If it's important, it'll come back, but

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um yeah so I… you were you gonna say something else Eleanor? I was just gonna thank you, 

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and thanking Christy for being an apprentice, Miracle Mindset Mentor apprentice, and it's just

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such an honor to work with you! I can see how much you've practiced that Inner Work, and then

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it comes out of you as wisdom, and that you're (you're a rock star!) shining that light! I love all

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the conversations, they're so juicy! I don't know how people could be like, meh!

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Like it just, they're so useful and so juicy and so deep, and I’m all about going deep! I’m

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not really you know, I’m not down for small talk anymore. You're not a surface lady you are, you're a

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deep lady! oh and I just thought of what I was gonna say, the centers are called Return to You Global

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Retreat Centers because that is what we're all doing. We're returning to the wholeness of us

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right? And to help these people get that they are these whole beings, they return to their authentic

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self. Guess what they do? They will heal, they will develop, go to the next level because you can

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only be so much if you feel that there's anything missing, and you're just showing up,

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your ego's showing up with all its mass so that you're accepted, you're loved, you get money you

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get fame, but who are you really right? So this is about returning to you, return to your authentic

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self! I am just so excited about this, how great is that? Very exciting! Yeah and you're going to be serving there

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Christy, so anybody being trained by this fabulous lady as a facilitator gets to serve at these

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incredible places; mark my words! So yeah, we we're doing it, we are making the world a better place

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you know, by helping humanity become Miracle Magnets! It's all a choice. We can choose to stay

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in the low vibes and be Crap Magnets, or we can choose to live as our aligned authentic fully

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self-expressed selves as Miracle Magnets, and we get to choose. So that is what I believe, uh and I’m,

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it's my battle cry till I die! So exciting! Like it's extra exciting, because you can't go through

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this and then not want to share! Exactly. So it creates this like ripple effect whether

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you want to or not, but you don't have to initially go in thinking, like I’m gonna do

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this to have a certain outcome. But once you experience it, you can't keep it to yourself,

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because it's like you've unlocked the secret to having a peaceful, and happy, and joyful life that

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really actually feels good and so of course you want everyone else, everybody join me! Like

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let's all link arms because you all deserve to feel really amazing too! Yeah, yeah oh I love it, I

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love it. And you know what? We're so happy as the part of this community because we get it and we

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just love on each other, because there's nothing else to do but love on each other, when you accept

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yourself and you accept others there's nothing but love right? And you know and some people

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think like this sounds kind of culty right? Because we're so happy, but it's not because I ain't that

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charismatic as a leader, I’m okay, I’m not that charismatic, this ain't a cult. It's just inner

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Awareness! It's inner work, and it's you know and it’s stuff that I’m gonna do till I die. And

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I’m so glad that I have you guys on the journey, to do it with me till I die, and we get to help

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co, you know reveal Heaven on Earth, because I don't say co-create anymore, I say reveal, because it's

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already here, it's already here. So yeah. See making those little adjustments, right? Makes a difference

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in perspective. Love it absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, so I think this is a good time to wrap up what do

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you think? Yes, fantastic! Awesome. I'm so grateful to Skyward TV and Hopeful Radio for this opportunity

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that we magnetized as miracles! So grateful for this aligned path of the spiritual journey

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towards mental wellness, because it's needed today more than ever for people to

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to heal. Yeah yeah, amazing! We have such compassion for people who are struggling, and we hope that

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you got a glimmer out of this, so we would love to hear your feedback, your questions, and really

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grateful for your attention today. Yeah awesome, and will we put Christy’s information on how to

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contact her in the show notes, so if anybody wants to connect with you Christy, we'll have a way of

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doing that, and um we are thrilled to um uh that you filled in last minute because our guest was

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sick and you came in and we're so, so grateful that you were able to change your calendar, not

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your calendar, your schedule today to serve this beautiful uh conversation, so thank you for

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being the amazing human that you are! And uh thank you so much, we'll see you next time on

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The Love Your Vibe Show, it's A Revolution of Evolution! Bye, good night! Thank you!